Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She announced her abortion via fbk
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
