My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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