Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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