do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize