I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
