the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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