I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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