Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
