I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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