Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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