Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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