I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
