im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I skipped work to stalk him.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
