shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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