IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
