like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
