My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
