Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
