There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
