hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize