Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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