Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize