Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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