I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
