In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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