Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
