So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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