oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
