Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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