Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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