1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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