Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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