If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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