Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
