stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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