he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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