My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
