HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
