lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
