i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
