btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
