As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I fill condoms, not promises.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
