I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
