bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I feel like death gave me a hand job
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
