How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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