hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize