When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
