I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
