Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
