do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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