We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Barsexuality is the new black.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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