so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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