Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm passing your future prison.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
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