Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
