She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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