so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
