So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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