Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
