Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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