She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize