When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
