Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
