dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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