I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Randomize
