if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
