I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
