i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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