You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize