A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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