So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
