It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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