The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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